The job

So I have not posted for a while, no other reason than I have been in work and a lot of people have been in the office.

I was called into Jabba's office yesterday, subsequently I have decided to name him, he is called Jeff Haines, my reason for naming will become clear shortly.
So he rang my switch number and said "can I see you for a minute". I did not understand him immediatley and had to say excuse me a couple of times, no doubt he had a mouth full of chicken skin.
So I took the short walk to his office and he kinda made a signal with his head, I did not really know what this was until he blurted out the words "shut the door".
At this point I should have been concerned but the truth is I detest the job with a passion.
He then proceded to say his opening line:
"What I am about to tell you, I shall deny every having the conversation"
Good start, he then proceeds to tell me that my department is closing down, and both he and I will be placed elsewhere (this was not fact, but something he asked his lawyer about - obviously he had known for some time).
He goes on for a while, about how the bosses want him to make over £60,000 profit in a month.
He eats over £60,000 in chicken per month that likely comes from the businesses profits.
So basically I sat there not shocked, not upset just wanting him to say that he has no choice but to let me go and pay me for a full month (a guy can dream).
So after around half an hour of this, he goes on to tell me how he needs at least £3,000 a month to cover his bills, and that does not include luxuries such as food?!
I have heard that his house is a typical home, nothing elaborate or special, just average, so I am lead to presume he is a) an alcoholic b)a gambler or c) a liar.
He drives a car that is a BMW with a personalised number plate of Y8 JEFF, I discovered some months ago this is on credit, and he is in debt up to his bitch tits.
So the long and the short of it is, I decided to tell him that I would be looking elsewhere and as and when I go to interviews I will be taking extra time to do so.
I don't think he could deny me this, but no doubt the fat cunt will find a way to fuck me over.
He then decided to slag off everyone to me, first it started that I moaned that Meirion, a lady who does the appointment making side, none of the admin,PA, secretarial parts at all of my job, gets paid £4,500 more than I get AND she gets to work from home!! He called her a mouthy bitch, who does his head in, then he said that he was more professional than the other 2 sales men, and feels they are childish and need to grow up.
The final thing he decided was to slag off Louise, my ex co-worker who was doing the same job as me.
He said that he wishes he had fired her 4 years ago, like the other directors wanted and she has pissed him off by taking the piss for the 6-7 years she was here.
Lovely, this got me thinking what the fuck does he say about me!
Oh well, time to drink lots of black coffee and apply for other jobs!

I would get on Jesus' peen

If a guy came to earth proclaiming to be Jesus (the son of God, not Madonna's hot little brazilian toy boy)
and he walked round with a skirt on and a peen that large I would get on my knees, mouth open and worship like Whoopi in sister act!

The church is trying to say that this is actually Jesus' abdominal muscles, but bitch got played, that is blatantly Jesus shaking what his virginal mother gave him - a mammoth sized peen!

I may start going to church and being a good catholic boy, if that is gonna be what we get at the end of the tunnel.

Jesus should rise again and become a CK model, Marky Mark and Smith Jared have nothing on him and his peen of holy mother fuckin glory!

The office

So there was a new guy who started yesterday, I believe his name was Rob.
He was introduced to me and proceded to give me a very firm handshake, maybe to try and say that he was straight or something - I am not buying it the guy has just come back from living in Sydney, how gay can you get!

So he is amusing me at the moment, as he keeps saying yes and ending everyones sentences, I am sat here with a smile on my face all day, and can see that within a week he will start fucking all these dick heads off.

I am having to pretend I am deep in work today as Jim is in the office all day - fat cunt - this is not something I wanted however he is going off to play golf all tomorrow afternoon, cut to me running off at 3pm tomorrow.

So all in all the office is shit as usual, I just felt I had to express my delight at the new guy, who I find personally hilarious.
What I do not find hilarious, is the fact I wore my glamorous Vivienne Westwood glasses into work this morning (black rectangular rims and pink arms - quite fabulous), and the dick heads in the office - all in their 40's and straight may I add - proceded to find this amusing and thouhg tthey were highly funny saying I was like Elton John, oh that's right I am gay and wearing glasses, lets make the link to Elton John - HILARIOUS!

Wank stain is not even the word I would use to describe these toads, back to applying for new jobs!

Disney does Couture

I just love these pictures from Spanish Elle, my particular favourite is Karl Lagerfeld.
Nothing bitchy to say just loving the pictures!

Britney before and after

So here it is, what Brit Brit really looks like!
Like we didn't all know, there are only so many Starbucks Frappucino's and large Big Mac meals a girl can have before you get a little cellulite and a not so perfect body!
The only thing I have an issue with is how fucking scabby her legs and feet are?
WTF does she have an infestation of fleas in her house (trailer)?!

All in all though I can't really say much because bitch still looks hot and incredibly fierce, even with camel toe!

Carrie in Vogue!

This is photoshopped more than Tranmeister general tucks her cock, but I love it!

SJP looks fierce on the cover of the new Vogue, but is it me or whenever you see SJP do you also just see Carrie Bradshaw!?

I could not even watch her last movie without thinking it was Carrie acting.
A few weeks ago I watched "the first wives club" - obviously as a gay I love it, Goldie "fish lips" Hawn, Bette(can't say anything bad about the divine Miss M!) and Dean Keaton (Diane at the weekends) what could there be too hate?- and I remember thinking, doesn't Carrie look young.

I don't think SJP should be worried about being typecast as Carrie, I think Carrie is perhaps more interesting than SJP.

I wish Carrie and me were BFF's and we could buy Dior, Chanel, Manolo's, and the wonderous late Mr McQueen together while doing cosmo shots off each other's bodies.
A gay can dream!

OH MY GOD

Let it be known now, I LOVE Sex and the City!
I am literally moist at the thought of seeing those 4 bitches sashaying through the desert in Chanel and Dior.

For anyone who is hating on this, what is not to love?
It is pure escapism and glamour, the only SATC lady who is actually believable is Samantha (she is a 52 year old tranny, who runs a PR agency and wears 80's powersuits in 2010).
Carrie (a 40 something tranny who wears couture gowns on the budget of a writer) is fabulous, and no one really knows why!
Charlotte (think Audrey Hepburn in breakfast at Tiffany's but living in 2010 NYC) is just too prim and proper to be hanging with these ho's but it somehow makes sense, and,
Miranda (big fat ginger dyke) is a lawyer and mother - to Chucky from Childs play - who has a lot of sex for someone of distinctly average looks.

From the trailer and the poster I am understanding that as the "girls" (golden) near picking up their bus pass, they decide to go on a vaycay to somewhere with a desert (I believe Abu Dabi - fierce name ). This will obviously mean Samantha fucking half the population, perhaps even the camels, Charlotte hopefully getting the shits again, and Miranda letting her ginger nether-region locks flow out of her bikini bottoms.
Then we have our heroine Carrie, who if you remember married Big in the first film, goes on her girls holiday and sees Aiden!(hot, jazz playing guy with boring bitch tendencies, gay man trapped in a straight mans mind and body)
The question we all have is what will she do!?
I can't wait for May 27 and will be seeing the movie several times, feel like I should revisit my box set this evening over a few Cosmo's!